


The Gold At The End Of The Rainbow

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Series: Pride Month Ficlets 2K18 [13]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Pride, questioning!Claire, uncertainty on what your identity is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 18:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15321291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Claire questions what her queer identity is





	The Gold At The End Of The Rainbow

Before Claire ever came to fully question her sexuality, there were all these little moments.On their own, they never amounted to much.But, all together?Claire realized later that they may have always meant something.She just didn’t know enough at the time to realize it.It took her quite a while to start sorting everything out.

Adolescence was a time of uncertainty, of finding oneself, of not being completely sure who you are.So it made sense that Claire wondered.She didn’t think there was anything more to it.Not really.She assumed she’d get there eventually.Though, she never gave much thought to what that “there” place was.

Not until the Pro-LGBTQ event her mother hosted as a show of support of Arcadia’s queer community.What Claire knew, which was everything considering her mom had a tendency to spend all of dinner time talking about her recent programs and such and getting feedback from Claire and Javier, was that Ophelia had recently adopted her pro-LGBTQ stance after being petitioned by a few hardworking citizens.Then, since June was widely celebrated as Pride Month, she’d decided to have the town officially recognize a citywide Pride event (or rather, help the smaller ones put on by the various queer communities in Arcadia organize into one main event).

As Councilwoman Nunez’s daughter, Claire was, of course, required to be in attendance.For once, she didn’t mind.It was nice, seeing everyone so happy and excited to just be themselves.After her mom’s big opening speech, she was allowed to wander freely on her own too.

It was then that Claire wondered for the first time if she really was straight.She’d never thought about it before, but then she’d never questioned it either.

At the same time, she didn’t know what she _was_ if she wasn’t straight.

She was kind of attracted to guys?So she probably wasn’t a lesbian.But then, she hadn’t ever considered being attracted to girls before so maybe it was just the normalcy of being attracted to guys if one was a girl that had convinced her of her attraction to guys up to that point?But then, she couldn’t think of any girls she was attracted to either.At least not right then.

She could be bi, poly, or pan?Attracted to two or more genders?That felt pretty ok.Maybe pan, because it was attraction regardless of gender?That too could work.But what if it didn’t?Claire didn’t want to choose an identity just because it fit right now.What if the way she felt changed later?Would that mean her identity was no longer valid?

What if the fact she’d never stopped to think about it meant she was asexual or aromantic?Demisexual?That she actually didn’t feel either romantic or sexual attraction (or both) and _that_ was why she’d never considered how she felt about those things.They just didn’t matter to her?

And what if she thought she was queer but she was actually straight all along and only figured that out after she’d come out?What if people accused her of lying?Of attention-seeking?

A couple times throughout her life, her classmates had teased Claire for being an “attention hog” or “teacher’s pet” just for following the rules and always doing everything the correct way, getting the most gold stars, etc.If she even messed up _once_ they’d be on her about it (on top of her parents, who’d always expected the _best_ from her).She couldn’t just _experiment_ with sorting out her identity.She had to be right the first time.

But there was no way to be certain.

Claire ended up sitting on a bench, watching people go by.Everyone seemed happy to be there but her.But then, they _belonged_ there.She was just there because of her mom.She didn’t even know _what_ she was, if she _was_ anything at all.

She was very very confused.

And she hadn’t even considered _gender_ yet.

Claire sighed.

“Hey, kid?You ok?Did someone mess with you?”

Claire looked up.It was the museum lady, the one who’d tried to introduce their class to the history of pottery that one time when they’d gone on a field trip.Ms. Nomura, or at least Claire thought her name was.

“Um no, I, errm, I’m fine.”Claire faked a grin.

“You don’t look fine.If someone messed with you, just tell me.I’ll—”

“Zelda, I thought we discussed _not_ threatening anyone?”A second woman walked up and rested her elbow on Ms. Nomura’s shoulder.“Seriously, I will _not_ pay your bail this time.”She noticed Claire.“Oh, hello there.I hope my girlfriend wasn’t bothering you too much.You look a bit sad.If she did, I can buy you a funnel cake if that’ll help?”

“Umm, no she wasn’t.”Claire looked back and forth between the two.“I’m just…thinking?”She sighed.“When you were figuring out that um, you know, figuring stuff out, how did you know you were right about what you were?”She looked down at her hands.“How did you know that you wouldn’t change your mind later?”

Nomura’s girlfriend, who did look vaguely familiar even if Claire couldn’t place her just then, sat down next to her.“You can’t know.Not 100%.Figuring out who you are isn’t easy.It takes time.Lots of self-introspection.Lots of questions you’ll have to ask yourself.”She paused.“And not a whole lot of easy answers.But you don’t have to be right the first time.You can change.Figure out you’re something else entirely than what you thought originally.”

“But what if I’m wrong and people judge me?”

“Then they are beneath your concern and you should not waste your time on their unfortunate existence.”Nomura sat down on Claire’s other side.“Think of it this way, history has been happening for centuries.Important events are recorded so that future generations may know of them, but not everything is remembered.There are people who are not worthy of being remembered.You are.Those who judge you are not.”

“Oookay.”That made Claire feel better.Slightly.“So you’re saying I shouldn’t care what anyone else think of me?”It was cheesy, but she figured she probably needed to hear it.

“Yes and smash the dissenters over the head with fake pottery to show them.”

“What she means is, don’t let what anyone says get to you.”Nomura’s girlfriend (who Claire was certain was someone from school’s parent) added after a pointed look aimed toward Nomura.“It’s going to be hard and probably confusing, but nobody knows you better than yourself.You’re still young and have time to figure things out.Just don’t listen to what _she_ says and send anyone to the hospital, ok?”

“I won’t.”Claire smiled at the two.“And thanks.I think I needed to hear that.”She watched the girlfriends walk off arguing about sending bigots to the hospital and _I don’t care, I have a heavy enough workload as it is, Zelda.You will not make it worse and standing up for oneself does not include smashing fake pottery over people’s heads even if both fake pottery and persons deserve it._

They were a weird couple, that Claire would remember.But more importantly, she was at Pride and there were probably better things to do that sit and doubt herself.A part of her was still scared about figuring her identity out.It seemed like this huge task, but she was _Claire Nunez_.She could do anything she set her mind to.


End file.
